Pushed to a corner with nowhere to go
by lissylou78
Summary: So...with all the fluffiness from the sequels, I had a great need for angst. This is an idea I have been toying with. What if the electrical closet and finding out Fitz had her under surveillance was enough to make Olivia bolt without a trace... how will Fitz cope with not knowing where she was. How will Liv navigate a life without Fitz. Can she completely move without him?
1. Chapter 1

Olivia knew she wasn't blameless. Just as she had helped him get his presidency, she drove him to be than man that he had become. So cold, distant and hateful. They had taken the very best of him, the very character they so believed in and shattered it with their deception. With her betrayal. She knew that as angry as he was at Mellie, Cyrus, Verna and Hollis, she had broken not only his heart but his spirit and for that she hated herself.

"I made a mistake," she said shakily. Their exchange in the electrical closet tore her at her core knowing that there was not a trace of love but only a claim of power and dominance. Though the ache in her body as a result of his roughness paled in comparison to the pain in her heart. For ten months she had played his words in her mind over and over again. The word mistress haunted her. She watched as he approached her like a lion circling it's prey as she tried to apologise for Defiance. Within moments he towered over her.

"That wasn't a mistake. That," he emphasized,

"Was a betrayal. Let me be clear, I may not be able to control my erections around you but it doesn't mean I want you. This is over. We are done." The coldness of his tone and the anger is his eyes conveyed the truth of his words. His calling her a mistress may have broken her heart but in that moment he made her a whore. Olivia inwardly gasped and Fitz saw her physically flinch as though he had slapped her.

Mission accomplished.

He had broken her just as she was broken him. Though the victory felt empty, it felt justified. Cyrus interrupted calling him back to the briefing room and without a backward glance he walked away. Cyrus looked past Fitz as he watched Olivia straighten her shoulders trying to regain some semblance of composure and strength. He knew her well enough to know that whatever Fitz said, it crippled her. Her phone rang and she went to answer holding her hand up as if to convey her goodbye.

"Huck, what's up."

"Liv, I'm outside in my car. I need to talk to you and it's the only place I know that's safe to talk."

"I'm done here. I'll be right out." She answered not bothering to ask him what was going on. She got in the front seat and took a deep breath not looking at him for a moment. Huck waited a few moments before he began.

"Liv, someone had your apartment bugged. Visual and audio. Someone's been watching you." Olivia looked at him horrified feeling incredibly exposed and suddenly vulnerable.

"For how long?" Huck swallowed,

"Awhile Liv. Whoever it is knows our routine. They've been removing the bugs whenever I was coming to sweep your apartment. They knew I swept your apartment regularly." Her mind raced of so many scenarios and conversations that had taken place in her apartment. Immediately her mind went to Fitz. Cyrus' words echoed in her ears. He wasn't being paranoid when he noted that Fitz knew his every move. It seems he did. It made her angry that he would put her under surveillance knowing this tine it wasn't because he wanted to just keep an eye out for her but because he now saw her as a threat.

"Is it all gone?"

"No, I didn't know what you wanted to do. If I got rid of them all whoever is watching you and having them watch you would know immediately that they've been caught out and they would just find another way."

"Then there's only one way."

"Liv..."

"No Huck, I'm done with this. I'm done with this town. OPA aside there is nothing left for me here and I don't want to be in surveillance just to keep OPA open and we both know for as long as I am in DC I am being watched. So I am going to take myself out of the equation. I'm taking back my life. My control. This is done."

"I'm going with you." He said definitively as she nodded gratefully not at all surprised.

"I need a shower and I need to grab a few things. Is there any way you can loop or alter their visual so I can be in and out without detection?"

"Yes, I can give you half an hour to an hour."

"That's all I need."

After her shower Olivia packed a small bag of clothes and whatever little personal things she had lying around. While she packed Huck deleted all the data in her laptop and phone after backing it up in a portable hard drive before leaving it all in an empty shelf in her wardrobe.

They had made a quick stop at his place to grab a bag for him before heading to the office. To say that the associates were shocked to hear of her decision would be an understatement, but they had all watched her in the last months and knew she was reaching a breaking point making the news though shocking, not entirely a surprising. Harrison would be taking over till all their cases were closed and then OPA would dissolve wordlessly as they all agreed OPA without OP would not be the same.

Within a couple of hours of leaving the White House she and Huck were on a plane. She looked out the window thinking of Cyrus. Even after everything they had been through and his determination to keep her and Fitz apart she was sorry that she would be leaving him without some form of a goodbye. He was her mentor and friend. As infuriating as he was, she loved him and would miss him. The less he knew the better it was for him.

She thought of Ella and losing the opportunity to be a part of her growing up. She thought of Gerry and Karen, could she really just disappear from their life. Huck watched the myriad of thoughts the flew around in her mind. He placed a hand on her arm making her look up. She gave him a small reassuring smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

Cyrus tried calling Olivia's phone and grew worried when it told him that the number had been disconnected. He hadn't heard from her since Ella's christening. He was just about to leave the White House when Fitz had caught him.

"Cyrus..."

"Yes sir,"

"Am I catching you at a bad time?" He asked. Cyrus hesitated knowing that it would only fuel a fire but he was too concerned to even try to say no.

"Yes, I just have to check on something urgently. I will be right back." Before Fitz could protest or question him Cyrus was long gone. Curiously Fitz headed back to his office picking up the phone.

"Jake..."

Cyrus paced in front of what once OPA and found it closed up. Not a trace of a gladiator or his beloved friend. His heart tightened in panic. He got in his car and drove to Olivia's place cursing himself for not checking in with her sooner.

Fitz dropped the phone as Jake explained that Olivia had left. That at first he had assumed that she was just staying in the office or one of her friends. When he checked back on the footage he realised there was a glitch so he immediately went to her place and realised that though very little had been moved she was certainly no longer there.

"Her laptop and her phone were in her closet. It seems she has taken very little in terms of clothes. No jewelery left behind except for a ring. It's the one she never takes off. The one she wears on her index finger."

Fitz knew the ring. He had given her that ring. He had promised that one day he would trade that ring for an engagement ring and that he would marry her. His heart dropped to his feet. He knew what that ring meant to her. The fact that she was still wearing it at the Christening after he had called her his mistress was an indication that she still was still somewhat his. That despite his anger, despite what he said, and how the one word he told her never to refer herself as diminished what they had she still wore it. Now she was gone and she had willingly left the only thing she had that represented the very promise that made them believe for miracles.

"Do you know where she is?"

"No sir. I am still working on it. It seems that she had transferred her funds out to an untraceable account. The last footage I found of them was at the airport but she didn't fly out with her own credentials." Fitz knew that Olivia worked with only the best and if she didn't want to be found she would make sure she wasn't. A part of him wanted to scream, crawl out of his own skin and weep. She was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Liv and Huck spent the first couple of days jumping on planes, trains and boats making sure that if anyone had managed to catch a glimpse of them there were enough trails to make it impossible to find them. Olivia decided upon London knowing it was busy enough to remain undetected. It would be like slipping a needle into a haystack. As much as she wanted to head to France or Italy, it would be much harder to blend in. That and she had ties to France that both Cyrus and Fitz knew about and it would be the first place they would send feelers out to. Huck kept a close eye on their movement staying a step ahead of the secret service should Fitz decide to look for her.

They had settled into an apartment building in Marble Arch, determined to get lost in the busyness of the city guaranteeing their anonymity. She had a little while to determine her next steps. She mourned for OPA and all the work she had poured into it for the empire she had eventually built only to have to abandon it in a haste. She knew that though she could begin again, remaining untraceable would be impossible.

"What about her Staff?" Fitz asked Jake as they sat in the Oval together. Fitz had waited for Cyrus to bring it up and was surprised when he remained tight lipped. Fitz did however notice how despondent and somewhat distracted Cyrus had become. Maybe he had underestimated just how important Olivia was to him, that her leaving without a trace, without a word broke his heart as it did his own. Would regrets be haunting him as they did Fitz.

"None of them are listed and all their mail and address' point to OPA. They are incredibly smart and methodical. They prepared for such a day Sir. None of them are traceable." With Olivia's line of work a quick exit strategy was necessary, never once did he imagine he would be the reason.

By the end of the week all gladiators were reunited in Olivia's new home. They had taken over the top floor of the building. Huck and Harrison were sharing a two bedroom apartment, while Abby and Quinn shared another. Olivia took the last two bedroom on their floor. Huck had outfitted their floor for maximum security. No one but the five of them had authorisation to enter their floor.

"So I think we need to lay low for a bit so if you guys are wanting to do some travel I would suggest you do it now. I'll probably consult here and there but nothing is set on stone. I would probably do a bit of travel myself." She added absently.

Huck had noticed she had become distracted and somewhat agitated in the last twenty four hours. He knew she was worried about those she left behind. Ella, Gerry, Karen, Cyrus and HIM too despite how angry she was at him. He knew he'd have to find a way for her to let Cyrus and the kids know that she was okay. He knew that Cyrus had released Charlie to try and find her and though he was a few steps ahead Charlie would eventually zone in on then. If it was just him and Liv he could wipe them both from existence but it was a lot harder to hide five people than two.

"Huck?" Liv said softly knocking on his bedroom door. Abby, Harrison and Quinn had gone to do some grocery shopping leaving her on her own. Wordlessly he handed her a burner cell.

"Thanks," she said gratefully.

"Three minutes tops Liv." Olivia nodded and headed back to her place. She paced back and forth for at least half an hour before dialling. Cyrus looked at his phone and without a thought he excused himself to answer it. Fitz watched the door close behind Cyrus,

"Liv..." he said somewhat knowingly and worriedly.

"I can't talk for long. I just wanted to let you know that I was okay and that I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye. Regardless of everything we've been through I feel like I should have said goodbye. That Fitz and I and all our drama aside you were my mentor, one of my best friends and despite whatever has happened between us, our long history warranted that. So I wanted to call you,"

"Don't Liv. Don't say goodbye. I'm so sorry for everything I did that has hurt you. It was never about you Liv or how I felt about you or our friendship. It was always just about him, and his presidency being end game. I'm sorry for never choosing our friendship and history first."

"Water under the bridge Cy. Give James and Ella a kiss for me. Please stop looking for me. I'll try and touch base again later when we've settled."

"Liv..."

"Take care of yourself old man. I love you." Without waiting for a reply Liv hung up tearfully. Cyrus sat down and buried his face in his hands. He had lost the one friend he had. Even after everything he knew that Liv had his back that she loved and was loyal to him to a fault. That she had chosen to love notoriously ambitious, calous men who repeatedly manipulated and hurt her. That despite the tough exterior she felt every blow and it scarred her in ways he nor Fitz could ever begin to even apologise for. That as he felt the depth of of losing her. He was proud of her for taking her life back into her own hands. For choosing herself instead of making choices to benefit others. Giving up her own happiness so that others reached their own dreams. Cyrus stood to his feet and asked Louise to tell the president that he had gone home unwell unable to face Fitz.

Olivia placed the phone on the coffee table and wept. Saying goodbye to Cyrus made it real. As sad as she felt she also felt released, almost free. She knew in her heart she had made the right decision. Had she remained in DC it would just fuel the hurt and betrayal between her and Fitz. That she would just be leaving herself open for his determination to make her pay for her part in Defiance. She decided that removing herself from the equation and depriving herself of him would be the life long punishment she was willing to endure if it meant it would enable her to move on with her life and allow him to move on too. He hated her so much that she had hoped that her disappearance would allow him to get on with his life.

Fitz grew worried when Cyrus didn't return and Louise had told him he had voluntarily gone home from feeling unwell. Without a doubt he knew it had been her on the phone. Cyrus' reaction left very little room for question. His head kept replaying the look on her face when he told her they were done. The shame in her demeanor as he waited for her to slip her underwear in her handbag. He had reduced her not only to some random sexual encounter, he had pushed her far enough to make her feel like a whore and he had to live with that. The thought of never seeing her again forced perspective he had been missing. The biggest revelation of all is that despite what he had been so mad at her for, he loved her. That the knowledge that he may never see her again hurt more than the knowledge that she had played a part in Defiance. As angry as he was at her, knowing where she was at all times enabled a sense of comfort and now that she had taken that away he felt like she had taken a vital organ, his heart.


	3. Chapter 3

Cyrus knew that as much as he wanted to know where Liv was, he had to respect her wishes and told Charlie to stand down. Cyrus could tell by Fitz's demeanor that he too had realised that Liv had fled DC. He knew that as much as guilt plagued him it had the potential to cripple Fitz. Though Liv had never disclosed what happened at Ella's Christening the look on her face had began to haunt him the moment he realised she had gone. He had wondered just how far Fitz had pushed her. Obviously enough to have her disappear without a trace. If he didn't know the calibre of people she worked with he would be worried that something had happened to her. Cyrus had been avoiding being alone with Fitz not wanting to have to answer any questions regarding Olivia. He was available to him in every capacity aside from being an informat for all things Olivia Pope as he had been for years.

"It's just for a couple of weeks Huck. I promise to be careful. I just need some time to myself." Huck looked at her suspiciously.

"I'm not going to flee." She promised. There wouldn't be any point, he would always find her.

"Okay. Remember if you're going to make a call you have to keep it short if you don't want to be found."

"Thank you Huck. For everything." She said meaningfully giving his arm a brief squeeze. She would have hugged him if she didn't know how opposed he was to touch.

Olivia threw her bag into the back seat of the car. She and the girls had spent the afternoon before in and out of the stores shopping for clothes. All had left much of their wardrobe behind and took great pleasure in creating new looks, not only with their wardrobe but with their hair too. The boys were surprised to see the girls come back with different hairstyles. Liv's being the most drastic. She had chopped off her locks and opted for a pixie cut that suited her to perfection. It somehow made her look younger and more mature at the same time without looking so serious and put together as the Olivia Pope she had always been. Abby's hair had also taken the minimalist approach while Quinn opted for a lighter shade of her hair and significant layering. As Olivia ran her hand through her hair she smiled. She felt free. Once she got out of London she wound her window down and began to breathe in the fresh air. She pushed the button that folded the roof giving her full access to the sunlight. She felt peace. For the first time in what felt like a lifetime she wasn't bound by anything or anyone or evem herself. It was over. It was finally done.

As good as she felt Olivia wasn't naive enough to think that she wouldn't revert back to thinking of him of pining for him but right then and there, it was a good day. For the first time in four years she wasn't the campaign fixer, the mistress or more recently the President's whore. She shivered as her mind drifted back to their last exchange. As much as she wanted to she couldn't get angry at him. She never could. Because as out of line as he was, she still understood him. That how he felt was a result of their betrayal, hers most of all.

Fitz knew that Cyrus had called off his person and stopped looking for Olivia. He guessed at her request, which told him that she would more than likely feel more comfortable touching base with him knowing she was no longer being tracked. Fitz checked in daily with Jake and Tom who were working closely with the Secret Service in trying to locate her.

Olivia's disappearance was enough to sober Fitz up. Her disappearance was enough for him to stop and take a look at it from a different stand point.

All she wanted was a quiet existence and he came into her life and insisted to be a part of it even though he had little to nothing to offer. He made it impossible for her to put distance between them and do the right thing. He wanted her and he made sure he got her. She fell in love with a man who seemingly was never going to be hers. He wanted all of her when he could barely give her a part of himself. He had been selfish, he'd always known that.

Defiance had changed him, broken him in a way where he couldn't bring himself out of it. He couldn't and refused to see reason. Though she was not solely to blame he focused all his anger on her knowing he could hurt her as much if not more than she hurt him. He succeeded.

Cyrus had been summoned into the Oval. As he wandered down the halls he couldn't help but steal a glance at the office that was once Olivia's many years ago back when they were all friends and life hadn't been so complicated.

"Good afternoon Mr President. You asked for me." He said as he entered. Being in the Oval was so foreign to him after almost a year of being shut out. Of Fitz openly disregarding him. Though he understood he wasn't Liv who had an endless pool of forgiveness. Fitz watched as he stood by the door waiting for a command before slipping out of the office as he had come to know as a norm in the months post Defiance.

"Cyrus, please sit down." Cyrus wordlessly sat down and looked at Fitz waiting for him to go on. When he didn't say anything Cyrus bit the bullet.

"There's something you need to know about Defiance. Something that personally you should have always known and never doubted." The tone of his voice was almost reprimanding. Fitz made no move to stop him so he continued.

"Olivia wanted nothing to do with Defiance. Hollis, Mellie, Verna and I practically bullied her into it. She trusted me and she trusted Verna. That was her biggest mistake. We knew how much she cared about you and losing so close after Gerry's death would only allow his words to resonate and the last thing she wanted was to break your spirit. So we told her that the only way to avoid that was if she agreed to Defiance and she still refused. She said that you could do it. That if anyone could it would be you. Then we were still down with only a day to go. I pushed and I pushed and at the last possible minute she said yes. Hear me when I tell you that watching her utter the words 'Yes, I'm in' was like watching her light dim instantly. I take full responsibility for that. You need to take responsibility for your behaviour. You chose to drink yourself into oblivion. You chose not to address this. You chose to take counsel in Mellie who above all else wanted nothing but the presidency. Not you, your presidency for her own political gain. You've always known that. The reason you fell in love with Olivia was because for the first time someone loved you for you. Who did everything with only the best for you in mind even if it meant walking away from the love of her life. She has always been the only one who never had anything to gain everything to lose and she always risked it all, for you. And if you're too dumb and stubborn and obstinate to realise that then maybe you're not the man I thought you were. The man I thought was worth treason for. The man I thought deserved the love of Olivia Pope, because the man that stands before me right now, the man you've been these last ten months certainly doesn't and I'm glad she fled. Even if it means I never see the one true friend I ever had and was too stupid to cherish. At least then I know she may just be giving herself a chance to be happy if not live in peace without your presence taunting her. I apologise for Defiance. I do. I apologise for what it's done to you, but you need to take some responsibility too." Cyrus sighed,

"No man has ever deserved to win a presidency like you. You had ambition but more than that you had a heart for the people and the drive to bring change. Your achievements should tell you that much. So it's up to you. If you want to wallow in how you were so wronged for the remainder of your term instead of fighting on and proving to yourself that you have earned every day you've had in these white walls, then thats your choice. You don't trust me and I understand that. So I am going to do what you should have done ten months ago when you found out. I am taking myself out of the equation because let's be honest I haven't been functioning as your chief of staff since then. Let's not drag this on for each other any longer. Let's not waste tax payer's dollars. Let's not make this any more painful than what it is. Appoint Mellie as your Chief of Staff. Let her run the country. I'm done. Consider this my two weeks notice or if you would prefer I'm happy to clean out my office now." Cyrus stood to his feet feeling incredibly exhilarated.

"Should you find that idealistic passionate man from all those years ago and he wants to give second term a go and wants a friend by his side, call me. Because that man was worthy of the Presidency. That man was my friend and I would slay dragons for him." Unable to say anything Fitz watched as Cyrus walked out of the Oval with his shoulders back and his head held high.

Liv was enjoying her little rented cottage by the water when she received a message from Harrison telling her of the rumors flying around that Cyrus had handed in his resignation. Though she understood, she was stunned. She never thought the day would come that Cyrus would willingly leave Fitz's side. But she also knew that the last ten months had taken a toll on him. Even at Ella's Christening she had noticed how tired and run down he looked.

Cyrus had walked into his office to find David Rosen sitting there with a package for him.

"This came for you to my office." They both knew who it would be from and despite the bridges burned he could never betray Olivia after everything.

"Thank you."David nodded and headed out to leave Cyrus to open his package. When he did he found a burner phone that he knows had been tampered with specifically to ensure that incoming calls cannot be traced. He notices that it had been locked and without even thinking about it he typed the name of his first love. A name that he knew only Liv would know. He smiled when it unlocked the phone. There were no numbers so he assumed that she would be doing the calling. Not wanting to be in the White House walls to receive her call he left his office and headed towards the park where they used to meet. When the phone rang minutes after he sat down he chuckled.

"Cyrus Rutherford Beene."

"Well hello to you too Olivia Carolyn Pope."

"So it's true?"

"That I resigned? Yes. I haven't functioned as his Chief of Staff in almost a year. He won't let me in. What's the point? Mellie's his guy now and to be frank if he's dumb enough to go for that then he isn't the man I thought he was."

"Cyrus we broke him." She reasoned softly.

"We can't fix what he won't admit is broken. Trust me I've been trying. You tried. He won't listen to anyone but Mellie. Really? Of all people Mellie?" He said in disbelief.

"She's his wife, the mother of his children..." Cyrus scoffed,

"That's a convenient truth he has chosen to ignore the moment you walked into his life. He's a coward."

"CYRUS!" Liv explained reprimandingly.

"He chose Mellie Liv. He could have confronted us, hashed it out. Instead he throws his dummy out of the cot, drink himself to oblivion acting like a spoilt child. That's not the man I voted for."

"We broke him Cy..." she repeated tiredly.

"That excuse only flies for so long Liv. I know you love him and so do I but he needs to want this for himself. Maybe he never wanted it? Maybe I pushed him too far into going for it even when he didn't want it. I'm done pushing him. If he's willing to let Mellie run him. That's his choice."

"Cyrus if you go..." the worry laced in her voice. He understood what she was trying to say.

"Liv, if I thought there was even a tiny part of him that I could still reach and fight for I would stand my ground, but I have to admit I've grown old and tired. If I want to see my daughter grow up there are some things that have to give. Hopeless, heartwrenching and heartbreaking situations such as this have taken their toll on an old man kid. It's time to pack it in. I can't believe in him for him. He has to learn to believe in himself. He has to take responsibility that he doesn't have to turn out like Gerry or be plagued by Gerry." Olivia knew his words to be true but it still felt as though they were abandoning him.

"Enough about me. How are you doing Kiddo?"

"Great actually. I took off for a bit for some Me time and I've been doing a lot of nothing which is so not me but I am learning to enjoy it. I think I have another day or two of doing nothing in me before I get bored and head back to the others." Cyrus laughed,

"I'm impressed you lasted this long. Liv,"

"Yeah Cy?"

"He's looking for you."

"Old habits die hard Cy. He doesn't miss me. He just likes to know where i am at all time so he can summon me whenever he needs to. He made himself clear at Ella's Christening. He doesn't love me. I'm just some girl who happened to give him an erection. He may have loved me once upon a time but I killed that the moment he found out about Defiance. I'm now just another Amanda Tanner under his belt."

"Olivia Carolyn Pope..." he admonished.

"You weren't there Cy." She replied quietly.

"I'm so sorry Liv." His apology was multi faceted and she got it. He was taking the blame that they rightfully shared.

"I know Cy. I do. Listen I better go. I'll drop you a text from my phone. Call or message me if you need me. Cy..."

"I know Liv. I promise I won't compromise your location."

"Thank you Cyrus..."


	4. Chapter 4

It had been a couple of days since Cyrus had resigned. He had started looking at his options. James was more than happy to return to work full time while Cy took some much needed time off. He was hoping that Liv would agree to meet him somewhere for a few days so they could just reconnect and he could apologise for everything he had done to hurt her. He never realised how important she was to him till it was too late. As silly as it sounded he needed the absolution.

Fitz wanted to ask Cyrus to stay but his pride would not allow him to let go of Defiance or the fact that he had always come between him and Olivia. Despite that he heard everything Cyrus had said loud and clear. Just as Liv's disappearance was sobering, Cyrus' words rang loud and true in his ear.

Exhaustedly Cyrus sat down on the park bench trying to regain his breath. He ran his fingers through his hair with a deep sigh.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Cyrus looked in shock to find Olivia sitting beside him. She looked at him with tears in her eyes.

"Liv,"

"Cyrus,"

"I didn't want it to be what brought you back. I know what a big step it was for you to finally walk away from him and I feel like all I've done since you've come to this campaign is manipulate you and I didn't want this to be another thing that weighs in your decisions."

"You should have told me Cy."

"I'm sorry Liv. For so many things." Liv placed a hand on his and gave it a squeeze.

"I know Cy. It's okay. Everything is going to be okay." Cyrus nodded as they sat there silently side by side.

"Liv he's watching me. You being here right now. It won't take him long."

"You let me deal with that. So when do you go in?"

"Triple by pass surgery is scheduled the day after my last day in the White House."

"You didn't tell him did you?"

"I don't want his forgiveness that way Liv." Cyrus answered softly.

"I've told him I'm sorry and that's enough for me. I don't want him to forgive me because of this. Promise me you won't tell him. You won't tip him off."

"Cyrus,"

"Please Liv."

"Okay. Okay. What do you say we grab some take out and head to yours. I want to see my Godchild."

"Name your pleasure."

Olivia spent the rest of the day with Cyrus and Ella. Cyrus had called his secretary to say that he wouldn't be in for the rest of the day. They both knew it would not take long for Fitz to catch wind of her presence in DC.

Fitz had been in the situation room all afternoon. Tom reluctantly handed Fitz a folder. Fitz's heart tightened as he saw the picture of Cyrus and a young woman who was unmistakenly Olivia Pope. Despite the new haircut and wardrobe she was still his Livvie. He couldn't help but notice how much younger she looked. Even though she looked sad as she held on to Cyrus' hand there was a peace in her eyes he hadn't seen in a really long time.

"She's here?"

"She was sir. She headed to the airport about an hour ago and she managed to slip through. We've sweeped the whole airport and she's gone sir." Fitz knew there was no point in getting mad at anyone for letting her slip through. If it was anyone else he would be calling them inadequate but she was Olivia Pope and she worked with only the best. That if anyone were capable of remaining untraceable. It would be her.

"Thank you Tom. That will be all." Tom gave him a nod before closing the door behind him.

Fitz let out a deep breath and threw his head back. Though he felt like he was gaining back some ground. He had never felt so lost. Without Liv and now without Cyrus by his side he felt as though there was no one at his side who truly believed in him. In all of Cyrus' ruthlessness, he never left room for doubt that everything he did was because he believed with all his heart and all his might that there was no better person for the presidency than Fitzgerald Grant the Third. When Cyrus realised he couldn't be President he made sure he found the very person he believed was the right one and did everything in his power to ensure he stays there to make the changes he dreamed of making. Fitz had realised that Cyrus and Liv's major downfall was their blind faith in him and their determination to keep him up in the pedastal they put him on.

Fitz called out to Louise releasing her for the evening before grabbing his jacket to take a walk. It had been awhile since he had taken a stroll to through the Rose Garden. What was once his favorite place had become a painful reminder of the love he once had. The love that he tried so hard to convince himself didn't truly exist. Despite his very best efforts he could never quite believe. What they had was real. He was the one who brought doubt into the table. The look on her face forever etched in the forefront of his mind, like a constant reminder that it was he who broke them. That no amount of hurt that he felt could ever compare to what he purposefully inflicted on her. He sat on the bench looking up at the stars trying to drown in them for a moment willing for a moment's peace.

"You need to stop looking for me." A voice said softly beside him. Fitz's head turned sharply and found her sitting on the edge of the seat only a few feet away. He was about to move closer when she stopped him.

"Please don't." Her voice was even and she had yet to look at him.

"We're done. You said so yourself. So let us be done. Let me go. Stop looking for me. Move on with your life. Let me move on with mine."

"I can't." He answered desperately.

"Livvie, I'm sorry for what I said. For that day in the Electrical closet. I'm sorry."

"You left me all alone." Liv replied in a haunted whisper recalling such a painful memory.

"I was wrong. I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter anymore ."

"It does matter. I love you." Olivia flinched at his words. The word love evoked the same emotion as his calling her his mistress. Somewhere in that electrical closet the two had merged into something that was worth nothing. She chuckled somewhat bitterly and looked at him for the first time.

"What we had, it wasn't love. That was just something we told ourselves to make it sound better. To make it acceptable. It wasn't me you loved. It was the idea. Love is for wives not mistresses. Certainly not for the President's whore." She said it so definitively that Fitz knew that she believed it. As he looked in her eyes searchingly, he could see that she had closed herself to him.

"Livvie..."

"Please don't."

"I can't lose you." Olivia almost scoffed but stopped herself not wanting to be unkind.

"What exactly are you losing Fitz? Your on call booty call?"

"You have never been..." he began to protest but they both knew his actions had spoken loud and had managed to diminish everything they had shared.

"I'm really sorry Fitz. For all of it. For Defiance. Most of all I'm sorry I didn't just let you fire me. I'm sorry I didn't just go into my own room that night. I'm sorry I fell in love with you even though I knew it was wrong. That it would never be right. If I didn't my judgment wouldn't have been clouded. I would have caught it if we weren't involved. I would have been the fixer I was meant to be."

"You regret us?" He asked. Fitz watched as she took a deep breath before answering.

"I never thought the day would come that I would, but then again I never thought the word mistress would ever come out of your mouth. It seems Olivia Pope has been wrong about a lot of things."

"Tell me how to fix this." He begged.

"There are some things that are beyond repair." She answered sadly.

"Please stop having me followed. Please stop looking for me. Whatever we were, it's over. It's done." Olivia stood to her feet she was about to walk away when she atopped for a moment.

"What Cy and I did, Defiance...It's unforgivable. I get it. Some day I hope you realise that it wasn't out of malice or lack of belief in you. It was actually the complete opposite. Cy loves you. No man has ever been so loyal to his president. He would slay dragons for you. Please give him the send off he deserves. Let him close this season properly. He devoted his whole life to you and for your presidency despite what has happened his devotion deserves something. Give him something good to remember. You owe him that much."

"Liv, I did, I do love you." She met his gaze,

"For what it's worth, I believe you actually believe that."

I'm so sorry for the lack of updates. I'm trying to roll them out as quickly as possible but work and life gets in the way. Please keep your reviews coming. They inspire me.


	5. Chapter 5

Liv hopped on a plane to London right after her encounter with Fitz. To his credit he had called off her surveillance at her request. Liv appreciated that he was honoring her wishes. Perhaps now they could both move on from each other. She certainly hoped so. She hoped that by releasing her he would release himself from her and live the life he was meant to live. Before her. Before they threw each other off course.

Fitz was unprepared for the regret Olivia felt. As angry as he was and as hurt and doubtful as he had become he had never felt regret for having met her. For what she had brought to his life. It tore him up knowing that he had pushed her so far that she wanted to erase their whole history. How she no longer believed in the love they shared. He had made her doubt he ever loved her. That was all on him. He knew that respecting her wishes for space was all he could do at that point. Anything more would only aggravate her and drive her further away. He sensed the more space he gave her increased the chances of her not hiding from him completely.

"Liv you know if you don't go home and something happens to Cyrus Beene you'll never forgive yourself." Abby uncharacteristically pointed out.

"She's right Liv. He's one of your best friends." Quinn agreed.

"I can go back with you Liv and if you want to remain untraceable, that can be done." Huck offered.

"I at least would like to be there during the surgery."

"Done. Give me a few and I'll set it up."

Olivia appreciated their support and solidarity. As bad as she felt about having to move them halfway across the world which she knew was their choice, she could see how no longer living the Gladiator life had freed them all somehow. They had all taken to their London life with gusto. Rarely do people get to start brand new and Abby, Harrison, Quinn, Abby and even Huck made the most of it.

"What do you mean he wasn't there?" Olivia asked in disbelief as Cyrus recounted his last day at the White House.

"He had a meeting at the Hill. Liv it's okay." Cyrus soothed trying to placate her trying to mask his own disappointment

"It so isn't Cyrus." She replied softly closing her eyes trying to control her own frustration.

"Maybe not but it is what it is. James, Ella and I are all packed and ready to go."

"Are you sure about coming here? Cy, I'm happy to come home."

"No Liv, we all need a clean slate. Besides I don't want him to find out through the grapevines. I don't want his forgiveness that way. I've said my peace and I gave him a chance to not even forgive me but say a proper goodbye and he chose not to." Olivia sighed.

"Abby and Quinn have moved in with me so their place is ready for the Beene's to take over. I've spoken to your surgeon and he's received all your records from your doctor and he wants to meet with you and then schedule surgery."

"We could have found our own place Liv. The girls didn't need to give up their apartment."

"I have a three bedroom place to myself Cy. You guys could have moved in with me but the girls figure you would need the room to recuperate. It's not a big deal."

Fitz felt horrible for not being there for Cy's last hours at the White House. He had made sure everyone had made a big deal but he couldn't bring himself to be there and watch another person walk away from him. He knew what part he played in the continual fracture of his relationship with Cyrus. Even after his resignation he couldn't bring himself to let bygones be bygones. Liv's visit only highlighted how broken and irreparable some things had become.

Liv was right. Cyrus' greatest fault was he believed in Fitz completely that it left little room to allow for faults that Fitz had. In saying that despite those faults, Cyrus would still undoubtedly slay dragons for him. He realised how lucky he was. He had the faith of two people who despite his actions never waivered their belief in him. Till now. Till he pushed so hard. Too hard.

He had decided that he would go see Cyrus over the weekend and try to repair what he had assisted in destroying.

"Liv..." Cyrus said softly as she hugged him hello at the airport.

"Hey Cy." She replied taking in that he looked like he had aged even from when she last saw him only days ago. It made her hold on to him that little bit tighter.

"I'm fine kiddo." He assured her.

"Lee-vee." Ella said reaching for her godmother. Olivia smiled and released Cyrus to take his two year old in her arms.

"Hi baby girl. Did you miss Lee-vee?" Ella Beene and all her toothless glory grinned at her nodding. Her godmother was her favourite playmate.

"Lee-vee missed you too Little One." Liv said giving Ella an extra hug before kissing James hello.

"Hey J."

"Hi honey," Liv read the gratefulness in his voice. She knew that he didn't want to be alone in dealing with Cyrus' sickness. She squeezed his arm reassuringly. They were going to be in whatever was ahead, together. As a family.

The Beene's had a day to settle into their new home. On the afternoon after their arrival he, James and Liv went to his surgeon who scheduled his triple bypass for the following day.

"Hello," Fitz answered uncertainly picking up his secure line.

"I asked you to make sure you ended his season right Fitz. It was important." The voice laced with disappointment said softly.

"You didn't need to plan a big party. You didn't need to get him such an extravagant present. He just wanted you. What you never understood is that you have always been enough. Yes Cyrus pushed you and seemingly I kept pushing you away but you were and have always more than enough." Fitz closed his eyes,

"I couldn't do it Liv. I couldn't watch another person walk away from me. You all left me."

"You left way before we ever did. Don't make it seem as though we all just up and left you without warning. For almost a year you not only removed yourself from my life you made it a mission to let me know how little I meant to you in the end."

"Defiance changed me."

"Newsflash Fitzgerald. It changed me too. It changed everything. If you knew me at all you would...you know what, it's not important."

"Why did you call Liv?" He asked. Liv took a deep breath.

"Because I don't want you to have one more thing to regret. If we meant anything to you at all, however small and insignificant it is now fix it with Cyrus. If not for him, for yourself. Once upon a time I knew you and if the man I thought you were is still in there somewhere I wouldn't want this to hang over his head for the rest of his life."

"What's your point Olivia..." hearing him call her by her full name had never sat well with her,

"You're intelligent. Figure it out. Do it soon." Without waiting for a reply Olivia hung up.

"Cyrus will blow a gasket," James pointed out however relieved that Liv had done it knowing how much it would mean to him if he and Fitz had ironed out their issues just in case.

"You and I both know that when he goes in for that surgery tomorrow there will be three things on his mind. You, Ella and Fitz."

"Four Liv. You will be too. He loves you like a daughter and he feels responsible for you and would never dare entertain the idea that he may not be there to thoroughly annoy you about everything."

"Thank you J."

Fitz called out for Tom as soon as he put the phone down and began to ask questions. Questions Olivia had prepared Tom for should the moment arise. Fitz's heart dropped to his feet. A rush of regret flodded through him. A feeling he had come too familiar with.


End file.
